The Pacific Northwest Is Almost as F-ed Up as Florida
“Florida Man,” you’ve met your match.
Meet “Pacific Northwest Man,” the oft-overlooked hero of local Washington and Oregon newspaper headlines. He lives among the sodden stumps of ex-timber towns, and in the forgotten fringes of Seattle and Portland, where human mold flourishes like the clap at a Rainbow Family gathering. Like his celebrated counterpart in the Sunshine State, he is the product of a depraved environment with too much meth and too little dignity. Except instead of sun, he has drizzle and fair-trade coffee shops to look forward to every day.
Here are but a few of Pacific Northwest Man’s recent shenanigans:
Pacific Northwest Man Nicknamed “Comatose” Breaks Into Home of 82-Year-Old Woman, Dresses in Her Husband’s Clothes, Passes Out in Her Guest Bedroom
Masked Pacific Northwest Man Stages Child Abduction in Public Park, Forgets to Mention He’s Filming Anti-Child Abduction Video