People Are Writing Oregon Militia Erotica Now
"It's not the size that of the rope that matters. It's how you belay it."
Five days after seizing the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, the self-styled Oregon militia shows no signs of halting their protest. The cause may be serious in their eyes—but outside their enclave, the reception’s been anything but. Native American tribes have decried the militia’s claims of ownership to land the tribes consider sacred. Republican presidential candidates have distanced themselves from the movement. And, many have pointed out the various benefits the anti-government protesters have, in fact, gotten from the government.
But, among everyday folk, the protesters have largely been a source of fun: Reddit users are campaigning to mail glitter bombs. More benign citizens are sending vegan jerky. But the latest (and greatest?) satirical contribution to Oregon Standoff Relief Effort comes in the form of erotic fiction hotter than a woodsman’s campfire.
Vocativ used its deep web technology to uncover the first instance of #BundyEroticFanFic, posted by Colin Meloy, frontman for the indie folk sensation The Decemberists.
“They huddled together for warmth. The cold of Ammon’s Ruger 22 against Brian’s naked thigh sent a thrill up his spine.” #bundyeroticfanfic
— colin meloy (@colinmeloy) January 6, 2016
Meloy’s band originated in Portland, Oregon, and he also attended college in the state. It was only appropriate that someone so familiar with the location of the standoff create a viral sensation worthy of its own between-the-bedsheets book deal.
These sexy strings of text may keep the militia warm through the snowy nights ahead. Thankfully Twitter provides the perfect platform for everyone else who might have a few tingly bits of steamy text to share, without the daunting task of drafts, edits and Amazon.com critics:
As Ammon watched Cletus and Bubba approach him he knew he was about to learn a new meaning for the term double barrel #bundyeroticfanfic
— Anomaly♡s Army (@edmeyer_able) January 7, 2016
“Didn’t know this occupation would be so long and … hard.” His gun was slick with sweat. #Bundyeroticfanfic
— KathleenKern (@KathleenKern) January 7, 2016