Donald Trump’s Ridiculous Sports Team Owner Dreams

Take a walk down memory lane with us on this one

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Jan 26, 2017 at 12:12 PM ET

Today’s installment of Maybe This Will Finally Convince Trump’s Army Of Suckers To See The Light comes from this nice blog at the Guardian, which notes that the TV-addled credulous dink currently residing in the Oval Office wanted to buy a couple of soccer teams.

To clarify, Trump said he wanted to buy them, but it was a fantasy spun out of vague press-friendly quotes and fueled by unnamed sources. He did accomplish what he set out to do, though, by snagging a few cheap headlines and redirecting attention to the only human being he actually gives a crap about: himself.

In 2012, Rangers F.C. was on the verge of financial collapse and Trump was mired in an ongoing legal battle with the Scottish government over the construction of wind farms near the golf course and luxury hotels he’d built in Balmedie. Suddenly, he tells the press that he had been approached about buying the team “two years” ago and that negotiations were ongoing.

“Stranger things have happened,” he said, according to the Daily Express. “People have spoken to me about it, so we will see.” But when push came to shove, an unnamed Trump-adjacent source popped out of the weeds to say the deal was kaput. “We looked seriously and walked away,” the source said, “It just did not make sense to us, although they are a great club. We hope someone steps in and builds the team again.”

Trump was also reported to have taken an interest in a Colombian soccer team, Atletico Nacional, located in Medellin. In August 2015, he purportedly floated a lowball offer of $100 million dollars, according to El Pais. The team then denied that Atletico was seeking buyers at all, and Trump lashed out, claiming that they were trying to rip him off, and so he was pulling the offer. (Assuming, that is, that any negotiations took place at all.)

“National wants $150 million to sell the club. For us, the proposal is unacceptable. Maybe they think we’re stupid,” Trump said in a statement. A few weeks later unnamed sources told the New York Post that he was fishing around for a different South American team, perhaps the one Pope Francis roots for. This came while Trump was in the midst of a public spat with the Pope, and no actual bids ever materialized.

Similarly, in 2014, way back before we were trapped in this dystopian nightmare, Trump said he wanted to buy the Buffalo Bills. (He had no intention of buying the Bills).

“People have actually talked to me about the Bills,” he told a local Buffalo radio station. “I mean, the group of people called me – would I be interested in investing, and I’ll take a look at it. I mean, I look at a lot of things. I’ll take a look at it.”

The Bills were sold for over $1 billion, liquid capital that Trump did not posses at the time, though he may once he’s finished looting the federal treasury. Then he threw a conniption fit, harrumphing that he never wanted any old stupid NFL team anyway.

Then again, all these teams are lucky that Trump never had any intention of purchasing a stake. At Trump International Golf Links, he insulted the locals, worked local pols like a fiddle, overpromised the number of jobs that would be created, and, yes, built a wall just to spite those that had opposed him, while decimating a precious natural resource in the process.

Via the New York Times:

A promised $1.25 billion investment has shrunk to what his opponents say is at most $50 million. Six thousand jobs have dwindled to 95. Two golf courses to one. An eight-story, 450-room luxury hotel never materialized, nor did 950 time-share apartments. Instead, an existing manor house was converted into a 16-room boutique hotel. Trump International Golf Links, which opened in 2012, lost $1.36 million last year, according to public accounts.