Jim Harbaugh On Oranges And Bikinis
It's the Holidays, man, cut us some slack
One day before the Orange Bowl kicks off, Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh took a few questions from the assembled press. He was asked about his status as a “coach and as a leader of men” and his “all-business approach,” whether he gets sentimental about kids who’ll be leaving Ann Arbor, even if it means a pro career, and why bowl games are extremely important and not just a way for a university to pocket all the moneys. You know, standard media scrum softball stuff.
Once all the “talk about…” questions were out of the way, one intrepid reporter wanted to know about oranges and whether Harbaugh planned to eat all the yummy oranges he could get his orange-loving hands on.
Q. I know this is not your first time at the Orange Bowl. I wanted to get your overall thoughts on oranges, if you could eat oranges in a five-minute span, how many could you eat, do you like the taste of orange juice after you brush your teeth, and do you like mandarin oranges in your salad?
JIM HARBAUGH: Yeah, I mean, who doesn’t? I can’t find anybody that doesn’t like mandarin oranges. I find oranges to be very refreshing, and same with orange juice. Great thirst quencher, and last time I ate an orange was yesterday. I had one the day before that. I have not tried to see how many oranges I could eat in — what did you say, five minutes?
Q. How about oranges after you brush your teeth?
JIM HARBAUGH: Yeah, if that’s all you’ve got there, why not? It’s not the go-to post tooth-brushing rinse, but…
Now that Harbaugh’s love of oranges was on the record, some doof wanted to know about Florida’s comely ladies who may also enjoy oranges while wearing some sexy, revealing swimsuits.
Q. I want to get your thoughts on this because you have mentioned that the fun is in the football work and the team unity with the guys being down here with the practicing and everything, but your players are a little disappointed they haven’t seen any bikinis. I’d like to get your thoughts on that.
JIM HARBAUGH: I don’t have any thoughts on that.
Before we continue, they’re upset? Why did they tell you this? Did you ask them specifically about bikinis, such that you felt compelled go run and snitch to the teacher? And are you going to keep going with this insipid line of questioning? Yes, yes you are.
Q. They would like to see some bikinis before they leave.
JIM HARBAUGH: I don’t know about that. I don’t know anything about that. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Q. See the beach.
JIM HARBAUGH: I do not know what you’re talking about.
Q. The beach, the bikinis.
JIM HARBAUGH: Yeah. I don’t know anything about that.
Q. Not on the itinerary?
JIM HARBAUGH: Don’t know what you’re talking about.
Thank you for refusing to entertain this dumbassery, Coach Harbaugh. One follow up, though. Coach, Coach! [frantically waves hand] Have you ever received any payments, gifts, or promises that you will receive payments or gifts from any orange- or even citrus-based lobbying group? Even if it’s just a bushelful of delicious, sweet, Florida oranges?
TELL THE TRUTH, COACH. NO ONE LIKES ORANGES THAT MUCH. THEY ARE A SUBPAR FRUIT.