Pornhub Wants You To Dress Up Like A Panda And Have Sex

The tube site is asking viewers to make their own panda porn — all in the name of saving the endangered creatures

Illustration: Tara Jacoby
Mar 16, 2017 at 10:00 AM ET

Today marks National Panda Day — a day to visit your local zoo, donate to conservation efforts, and, oh, maybe dress up in a fluffy costume and film some filthy bamboo-defiling panda porn. That last bit comes at the suggestion of tube site giant Pornhub, which is celebrating the holiday by asking visitors to put on a panda suit or some black and white face paint and film themselves having sex — all in the name of encouraging the endangered species to reproduce.

“Considering wood is a main staple of a panda’s diet, it’s especially surprising that they only mate a few times per year, if at all,” said Corey Price, vice president of Pornhub, in a tongue-in-cheek press release. “Thus, in celebration of National Panda Day, we wanted to do our part and help grow the dwindling panda population.”

How, exactly, do creatively fornicating humans help the very serious plight of pandas? Well, the site promises to donate $100 for every video uploaded and $1 for every video view in its new panda porn category. Pornhub — which amid this lighthearted PR stunt is the subject of a documentary screening at SXSW raising questions about business practices of the site’s parent company, MindGeek — also claims that these videos could serve as inspiration for low-libido pandas.

Indeed, scientists in China have made headlines by showing these cuddly giants “panda porn” in order to inspire some carnal activity. That’s because pandas have notoriously low breeding rates and females are fertile only a couple times a year. But, of course, researchers have stuck with videos of actual pandas mating — not crazy iPhone wielding humans with a little too much time on their hands. Not too surprisingly, no zoos have signed on to be the recipients of this charitable panda smut.

Nonetheless, Price says Pornhub hopes to help the conservation cause by generating “quality content scientists and zookeepers can use to show pandas.” I dunno, seems more likely to guarantee their extinction.