APPLE

Watching Siri Read Every Emoji Is More Satisfying Than It Should Be

It's so good it will make you forget that the world is a 'smiling pile of poo'

APPLE
Winking face with stuck out tongue. — Getty Images/oberart
Aug 03, 2016 at 1:57 PM ET

Every once in awhile, the internet gods deliver something so perfect you just have to give yourself over to it. Today that thing is a video of Siri slowly reading off every emoji available on iOS. Made by the low-key geniuses at Motor1.com, it begins as an amusing little experiment, but it morphs into a piece of true poetry, one that is both hypnotizing and delightful.

The magic was enabled a Siri-enabled CarPlay console that lets the virtual assistant work her way through a text containing every emoji in order. Come for “Grinning face with crunch teeth” and stay for her halting pace, which leads to weird pauses and misplaced emphases. “Surprised and. Dismayed face. With eyebrows.” If you’re in need of a new mantra, may I suggest borrowing this gem: “Cloud, cloud, cloud with rain”?

Siri’s pronunciation is also predictably sideways, which leaves her sounding like a foul-mouthed Canadian when 🐙 becomes “Octopiss” and ♓️ becomes “Piss-ease.” It also makes you wonder how she’s able to effortlessly pronounce Tajikistan but not 🐨.

The 30-odd minutes it takes Siri to work through the emoji menu are an emotional rollercoaster, swinging you wildly between joy (“smiling pile of poo”) and contemplation of what this life even means (the “Clockface” section). She ends her reading on a rather anti-climactic “Flag of Zambia,” but then just at the last second she surprises everyone by dropping a question so simple it’s almost metaphysical: “Want to reply?”