You Can Now Text Pornhub And They’ll Text You Back Porn

Getting dirty videos on your phone is now officially easier than ordering Domino's

Apr 20, 2016 at 10:59 AM ET

Prepare never to look at emojis the same way again—well, except for the eggplant and the tongue and all the others that have already been perverted. But now, even the rest of the bunch are officially corrupt, thanks to a new initiative that Pornhub is calling its “emoji mobile video delivery service.”

The service, which launches Tuesday, has users text one of more than 30 designated emojis to 1-646-760-PORN. Immediately, you’re texted back a link to a relevant clip from Pornhub. Some connections are self-explanatory: Texting the aforementioned eggplant, tongue and melon get you links to “big dick,” “pussy licking” and “big tit” content, as the tube site puts it. Some interpretations are a bit more creative: The joystick results in “solo male” videos, the octopus in “hentai” and the smiley face with a zipper for a mouth returns BDSM.

Others, though, are outright offensive: A taco for “Latina” content, really? Scissors for “lesbian” clips? The yin-yang for “IR” (interracial)? But I suppose it’s unrealistic to expect mainstream porn to be politically correct in its emoji usage.

I suppose it’s also unrealistic to expect the resulting links to be any different from what you might randomly stumble upon on the site. I texted Pornhub a peach and received a link to a video titled, “VIDEO SEX JOCKEY IS IN LOS ANGELES WHERE THE BIG BOOTY ANGELS SINS ALL DAY.” Huh, okay. A melon got me something titled, “Fuck daughter near sleeping mom.” A cherry, “crazy barely legal 18 years teen pussy hard rubbing.” A video camera, “stupid step sister loses bet and is punished.”

Then I stopped texting Pornhub.

You might be asking whether the world actually needs this service. How hard is it to type into a browser and click on a genre of choice, anyway? But Corey Price, vice president of Pornhub, says it’s just another way to reach consumers. “At Pornhub, we pride ourselves on delivering the content our users’ desire through their preferred platforms. In an age of convenience, text-messaging has become the leading method of conversation,” he said in a press release. “This enhances our arsenal of digital capabilities, streamlining our content recommendations, delivering them directly to our user’s mobile devices.”

Pornhub does seem to be taking the multi-platform approach seriously—this move comes on the heels of the company creating a virtual reality category on its site and launching its own Roku channel. Some will celebrate this as yet another innovation in favor of sexual expression. Others will bemoan it as part of technology’s freezing influence on human intimacy. Either which way, the conclusion is pretty much the same: Man, you can now sext with a tube site.