Despite the government shutdown of Silk Road and its subsequent incarnations, the next generation of Darknet marketplaces is thriving. Best known for their brisk trade in illicit drugs, weapons and porn, they’re also bursting with gorgeous high-end knockoffs of your favorite luxury brands—if you know where to look. We’ve found all the stocking stuffers you need for a fraction of their retail price, provided you’re not squeamish about their shady provenance.
To get in on this extremely secret Santa action, all you have to do is download the encrypted browser Tor, which allows access to anonymous black-market vendors on platforms like Evolution and Agora. Sometimes you have to be naughty to be nice.
Fake Nike Air Yeezy II Red October
Authentic Retail: $6,000. Darknet Counterfeit: $128—You Save $5,872!
Sneakerheads pay big money for these Kanye West–designed kicks, the first Nike collaboration with a nonathlete. The Red October version debuted last February and sold out almost immediately. Just don’t ask Yeezy to sign your fakes.
Fake Chanel Medium Lambskin Le Boy
Authentic Retail: $4,700. Darknet Counterfeit: $100–You Save $4,600!
Fake Canada Goose Women’s Whistler Parka
Authentic Retail: $745. Darknet Counterfeit: $130–You Save $615!
Fake Burberry Bikini
Authentic Retail: $130. Darknet Counterfeit: $25–You Save $105!
Fake Beats by Dre Studio Wireless
Authentic Retail: $380. Darknet Counterfeit: $56–You Save $324!
Fake Chanel No. 5
Authentic Retail: $130. Darknet Counterfeit: $45–You Save $85!
A killer deal, provided you’re comfortable with dabbing mystery Internet poison on your wrists and neck.
Fake Tom Ford Nico Sunglasses
Authentic Retail: $455. Darknet Counterfeit: $58–You Save $397!
Fake Montblanc Starwalker Pen
Authentic Retail: $340. Darknet Counterfeit: $34–You Save $306!
Fake Hermès Crocodile Birkin Bag
Authentic Retail: $60,000. Darknet Counterfeit: $384–You Save $59,616!
It’s not just that the Birkin is mind-bogglingly expensive; would-be buyers can get stuck for up to six years in wait-list purgatory. Good thing you can order your very own now for a mere bitcoin.
Fake Bulgari Diamond Necklace
Authentic Retail: $3,198. Darknet Counterfeit: $40–You Save $3,158!
Fake Rolex Sea-Dweller DEEPSEA
Authentic Retail: $10,750. Darknet Counterfeit: $748–You Save $10,002!
Fake Pamp Suisse Gold Bullion Bar (1 oz)
Authentic Retail: $1,237. Darknet Counterfeit: $200–You Save $1,037!
All the fun of burying your life savings in the backyard, for one-sixth the cost.
Fake Patek Philippe Calatrava 3802
Authentic Retail: $13,790. Darknet Counterfeit: $459–You Save $13,331!
Fake Burberry Double-Breasted Trench Coat
Authentic Retail: $1,695. Darknet Counterfeit: $579–You Save $1,116!
Fake Louis Vuitton Artsy MM
Authentic Retail: $1,960. Darknet Counterfeit: $94–You Save $1,866!
Fake iPhone 6
Authentic Retail: $649. Darknet Counterfeit: $199–You Save $450!
This phone runs Android, making it the perfect choice for the self-loathing Apple cultist in your life.
Fake Gucci Messenger Bag
Authentic Retail: $1,150. Darknet Counterfeit: $131–You Save $1,019!
Fake Christian Louboutin Flats
Authentic Retail: $645. Darknet Counterfeit: $169–You Save $476!
Fake “Les Demoiselles d’Avignon” (1907), Pablo Picasso
Authentic Retail: ???. Darknet Counterfeit: $4–You Save… a Lot of Money!
The real seminal Cubist masterpiece hangs in the Museum of Modern Art in New York City. You can’t afford to buy it, which doesn’t matter, because they wouldn’t sell it to you anyway. This one, though—wouldn’t it look great in your bathroom?