US POLITICS

Republican Convention Coincides With Cleveland Porn Spike

A "public health crisis" is ongoing in Cleveland this week. It involves porn and Republicans.

US POLITICS
Illustration: Tara Jacoby
Jul 20, 2016 at 4:18 PM ET

Turns out that the mess in Cleveland is even hotter—and presumably stickier—than expected during this week’s Republican National Convention. According to data released by xHamster, the amount of porn viewers on the site set a new city record: 184 percent of usual viewership, or nearly double. And that’s especially funny, since the GOP’s 2016 platform recently declared that internet porn is a “public health crisis.”

“With major events, people like to celebrate on their own,” said xHamster publicist Mike Kulich, noting that spikes tied to city-wide events like sports championships have also led to similar viewership booms in the past.

In addition to trumping past standards of DIY friskiness, city residents and visitors have managed to watch more porn than residents of major metropolises like New York, Miami, and Los Angeles. Let’s give them a big hand for that, folks. It’s entirely possible that the press corps, right-wing super delegate base, and various political junkie tourists who have descended on the state for the macabre political circus are driving the spike, at least in part.

“There’s a saying in this industry that a lot of people tend to jerk off with their left hand and point fingers with their right,” said Kulich said—which is quite possibly the best quote about the convention so far.

It’s a fantastically stressful time for the city—especially given Tuesday night’s announcement—so it’s easy to imagine Clevelandians are looking to cut loose and get their mind of the national travesty playing out before them, right? Wrong. Trending searches on xHamster in Cleveland show that they’ve got a bad case of RNC fever they just can’t shake, with porn searches for “Trump” ranking among the top five. That should come as a complete and total shock, but in this utterly bizarre election cycle it’s just how people achieve completion. After all, it’s hardly the first time we’ve seen Donald Trump porn enter the mainstream. Or even the second, for that matter. Even the Trump/Pence logo was typographical porn, for God’s sake.

Searches for “Kelly Trump” also came in among the most-searched terms on the adult video streaming site, giving rise to a German porn star whose heyday was the 90s. Sorry, Cleveland, but that hate-sex tape of famed rivals Megyn Kelly and Donald Trump you’re looking for still hasn’t hit the internet, so you’ll have to make do with the parody version.