SPORT

The Broncos Win The Porn Star Super Bowl

A comprehensive analysis of the players on both teams

SPORT
(Illustration: Tara Jacoby/Vocativ)
Feb 02, 2016 at 3:28 PM ET

We are all horny. Which is good, seeing as sexual arousal is the key to our continued existence as a species. Luckily, both teams playing in Super Bowl 50—the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers—are doing their part to keep humanity going: According to a Vocativ investigation of active roster players with Twitter accounts, the players from both teams are very horny indeed.

Proof? We went through the accounts followed by every player and tallied up all the NSFW follows. Highlights include venerable purveyors of excellent content such as Ass Pics Depot, Sexual GIFs, and some others that we’d rather not print. We’re withholding the names of specific players because no one deserves to be shamed for indulging a harmless bit of online horniness, but here are the results:

The data shows that while the Broncos have more players who follow various NSFW Twitter accounts, the Panthers players who do so tend to follow such accounts in a far greater volume. This makes it unclear as to which team’s lust levels will lead them to a win. Perhaps the Panthers’ small but extremely horny group of players will finish on top. Perhaps the Broncos’ larger but less horny team of NSFW content connoisseurs will come back from behind. The data, alas can only tell us so much. What we can say with great certainty is that both teams are horny. Let’s just hope nobody is making passes at ineligible receivers.