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WWESubway By The Numbers: A Vocativ Investigation

We analyzed the @WWESubway Twitter account because it's very important

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(Photos: Dreamstime, Getty Images; Photo Illustration: Diana Quach/Vocativ)
Jan 27, 2016 at 9:58 AM ET

Every once in a while, a truly transcendent piece of art appears in the world and we are moved to the core by its existence. The @WWESubway Twitter account is the latest example of such a blessing. It is, unquestionably, the peak of humanity’s ability to express itself through the medium of art.

The conceit is simple—tweets chronicling various experiences at Subway restaurants with said tweets accompanied by relevant GIFs of pro wrestlers—but the effect is nothing less than a religious experience that illuminates both the profundity and absurdity of the human experience.

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Faced with such greatness, we can only resort to data in a feeble attempt to capture what it is about @WWESubway that so perfectly encompasses the highest ideals of art. Here are the results of our analysis along with some relevant tweets that will surely result in multiple epiphanies for you, dear reader.

We begin with a very serious exploration of the major artistic themes that are explored by @WWESubway.

Clearly, the data shows that the Sandwich Artist is critical to @WWESubway. Above all, the Sandwich Artist is the figure who demands respect and any violation of this holy pact must be met with swift justice.

There is also much to be gleaned from @WWESubway’s focus on friendship and the communal exercise of Subway itself. Acquiring a Subway sandwich is not a solitary experience and the path that experience takes can test the bonds of even the strongest friendship.

Of course, the themes expressed in text form are nothing without the avatars bringing them to life. Which raises the question of who @WWESubway regards as its greatest muses. Here are the GIF-bound icons that @WWESubway most favors.

Some may be compelled to ask “Why Triple H?” Below is an example of why it is not your place to question a true artist.

However, as a very serious journalist, I am compelled to look upon this data and draw a conclusion. What does this beyond methodologically sound analysis tell us about @WWESubway? It tells us that @WWESubway is clearly run by Triple H and a Sandwich Artist. The truth is always out there if you’re willing to look for it.